Anxious Thoughts:

How do I Change Them?

Everyone has anxious and intrusive thoughts, which can cause discomfort and make us unhappy! In this post I’m going to explain my advice for dealing with them.

It’s important to remember anxious thoughts aren’t something we have complete control over. This makes them frustrating and distressing, yes, but acknowledging it will equip you better. Our mind is a system of neuro pathways that get stronger the more we use them. And the more a thought bothers us, the more those neurons fire. Which means once an anxious thought takes root, it can be difficult to remove - and the more we think it the more powerful it is. On the flip side, this means that unlearning anxious thinking often takes time and effort. This makes the task difficult - not impossible. Remember, thoughts are just thoughts and they don’t need to rule us - just like the Anxiety and Depression Association of America says in their article about separating ourselves from anxious thinking.

My approach to managing, and eventually lessening, anxious thoughts is based on CBT approaches (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - with emphasis on the cognition). It’s three steps: 1) Awareness, 2) Interruption, and 3) Replacement. This strategy heavily relies on practice, so the more diligent you are the better it’ll work. But diligence isn’t everyone’s strong suit, so feel free to put your own spin on it! Maybe journaling it out once a week for a while, or talking it out with someone you trust. Or work on one anxious thought at a time rather than a bunch of them. A general rule for therapy strategies is that flexibility is important - so don’t stick too strictly to a set of instructions, find a strategy and pace that works for you and do away with what doesn’t.

The first step is the hardest and most important: it’s to be aware of our anxious thoughts - that is, noticing we’re having them while we’re having them. This comes easier for some people than others, it depends on the way your mind processes information and how often you practice things like self-reflection and mindfulness. (Awareness is a crucial mindfulness skill that has a lot of potential benefits, headspace knows all about that!) If it feels impossible you can start by just writing a list of anxious thoughts you’ve had in the past, then keeping an eye out for those. You can add to the list as your awareness grows. Or read over the list once a day, or once a week, to see if you remember any of those thoughts coming up again. At this stage you want to be noticing your thoughts at some point after having them. Then practice that until you notice those anxious thoughts closer and closer to the point of having them. Luckily, once your mind gets used to practicing that kind of awareness, the skill should grow naturally.

Once you’re noticing your anxious thoughts when, or soon after, you have them, you can start working on interruption. The idea is to uproot that thought by challenging it. Sort of like taking that thought metaphorically in hand and reminding yourself why it isn’t helpful or realistic. Writing a list for this can also be helpful. You want to reflect on the reasons this thought isn’t good for you or isn’t important so that it loses its grip on you. With some practice that thought won’t feel so bad, even when it pops back up again.

Step three is good for really kicking these thoughts in the butt - and it melds really easily with step two. Once a thought is interrupted it can be replaced. Figure out what you’d like to replace an anxious thought with (step two will give you some clues). Then whenever you notice anxious thinking you can move through the steps – interrupt and replace – and work towards less anxious thinking in the future!

For a more detailed exploration of irrational thinking, like the kind that causes anxiety, and how to challenge it take a look at my Irrational Thinking post!