Overwhelm:

I’ve found that the word overwhelm refers to a particular experience, psychologically. It’s not quite the same as feeling anxious or down, not quite the same as exhaustion or burnout. It has ties to all of these. It has definitions like “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass” or “to defeat completely”. That’s pretty intense for a word we use somewhat regularly.

In my experience, overwhelm is a state we enter when we’re stuck in survival mode: marching through life without thinking about much more than the next thing that needs done. It’s the feeling of putting out fires or keeping your head above water. It’s unsustainable, and dissociative. Meaning, either a solution needs to be found, or a breaking point is coming. The more practice we get, the longer we can hold out. But no one can remain in this kind of state forever. Which means overwhelm is something of a precursor or symptom of burnout (though burnout can happen without it). 

It’s also much more common in people with neuro-diverse characteristics or strong people-pleasing tendencies. We live in a culture that teaches us to give our all to everything, 110%. We are surrounded by unrealistic expectations. That situation only worsens when we have characteristics that aren’t being accommodated or we are unable to protect our boundaries. And because we are all wired to internalize the messaging we are exposed to, no one escapes completely.

Managing overwhelm means, first and foremost, accepting that we can’t control when or how it happens. We don’t get to choose when life unloads on us. And we don’t get to choose when our minds or bodies need a break. It is extremely frustrating to be honest with ourselves about our limitations in a world that is constantly pushing us beyond them. But this honesty is your most powerful tool. We can’t stop ourselves drowing if we refuse to acknowledge that we’re under the water.

Below is an exercise that I have used myself, and with many clients, to help get to know our overwhelm and manage it. This exercise was originally created by Louisa Larocque (HBA, MSW, RSW), and expanded on by myself. The idea is to break overwhelm up into levels, mild, medium, and high, and brainstorming a list of symptoms of signs that represent each. Then including a list of self-care ideas to use at each level. Keep in mind: some self-care activities are more effective or less realistic (due to exhaustion or other issues) at different levels. The mild category is the hardest to fill in because it’s become so normalized for most people that it is hard to differentiate from a neutral base. This exercise was originally meant for neuro-diverse people, but it can be used by anyone. I’ve also included a list of symptoms and self-care ideas to read through and boost the brainstorming. I encourage you to read through it, as some of them might surprise you. Once the document is filled out it can work as a daily guidance for self-check-ins or a resource used as needed.