Intelligence:

I wanted to write this post because I believe that there are a lot of inconsistencies and gaps in the way we talk about and react to intelligence in our culture. Time and experience have only proved to me that intelligence can be a hugely important consideration in mental health, work or school success, and relationships; But, it is often overlooked. 

So what is intelligence? I do not have an answer for this question, nor do I think I ever will. The way we talk about intelligence, the word ‘intelligence’ itself, is hugely unspecified, and can refer to millions of different things. Often we think of IQ and school grades and career fields when we think of intelligence. But research and experience has shown me that these represent a very small faction of what intelligence can mean. And by overemphasizing these things (success, in short) we are actually doing more harm than good.

I’ve taken to thinking about intelligence as a kind of neuro-diversity. That’s because I’ve learned the most about intelligence (for myself and my clients) while studying neuro-differences like: hyper-analytical thinking, hyper-logical thinking, hyper-speed thinking, hyper-sensitivity, and so on. These are characteristics that we see more in people on the Autism spectrum, with ADHD diagnoses, or even with trauma histories (trauma is known to change the way the brain functions and can be approached as a kind of neuro-diversity). If you want to learn more about those ideas I suggest reading Kuipers’ Enjoying the Gift of Being Uncommon, or Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person. 

Talking about intelligence

We value certain kinds of intelligence over others because society has taught us to. Consider how much respect and money fields like medicine and engineering are given. And while I can of course agree that these careers are difficult to achieve and helpful to society, I find we often overlook other kinds of talents. Art, which has been proven to have huge mental health and cultural benefits is often deprioritized when funds run low. Fields like mine (psychotherapy), which require a deep and practiced understanding of the human person, are treated very differently than their medical equivalents. Kuipers’ book explores all kinds of different intelligences, and makes a point about the less helpful or valued a talent is for the greater (modern) society, the more derision it receives. 

I’ve learned that we tend to talk about intelligence in two different ways: either we put it on a pedestal and treat it like a divine gift, or we use low intelligence as a point of shame and offense. This makes it hard to have any kinds of conversations about intelligence at all. If I say ‘I am smart’ I run the risk of coming off arrogant which will lead someone to shutting me down. Ugh, shame. If I say ‘I’m not smart’, that gets interpreted as self-depreciation that is quickly reassured. If someone else says I’m smart, that may lead me to feel like I have to live up to some impossible standard. Ugh, anxiety. And if someone says I’m not smart, my only choice is to interpret that as a criticism. 

What we don’t do, is treat intelligence like an objective and unavoidable fact. Some people are better at math than others, this is a genetic and socialized characteristic. It’s not really something we can change or control, so why are we treated like we can? We also don’t allow space in conversations to acknowledge that intelligence comes in a lot of different flavors, so it’s ok if it’s particularly high or low in one area, because it may not be in another. In fact, the more I engage with this question about intelligence, the more I’m sure that there’s always some kind of trade off. I have a great brain for narrative, and conceptual information. That makes me really bad with objective categorized knowledge. That’s probably not a coincidence. Making these sorts of changes to the way we talk about and engage with intelligence can be empowering and relaxing. It allows us to begin letting go of all the accumulated shame and anxiety and just be.

Benefits and Challenges

Something else we tend to assume about intelligence is that it is always, always a good thing to be smart. Well, hate to burst your bubble, but that just isn’t true.

As I explained earlier, certain kinds of intelligence are less respected or acknowledged than others. This makes it very easy to internalize ideas about what sort of success or talent is worthwhile, and what kinds aren’t. Many people (including myself) who were perhaps identified as gifted or had their own sense of their talent may have a history of believing that they were not smart, nor talented, nor valuable even when evidence to the contrary existed. This means that sometimes being smart doesn’t provide confidence and success, it actually does the opposite. Not only are we unable to use our talents, but we begin to believe that trying to do so will only bring failure and criticism.

Even if you are intelligent in a conventional way, that doesn’t necessarily mean you can skip over all that challenges intelligence brings. Returning to my idea that high-intelligence is a kind of neuro-diversity, high-intelligence also puts you in a minority. You’re a [insert preferred label here] in a ‘normal’ world filled with ‘normal’ people. Some neuro-diverse characteristics I have are hyper-analytical thinking and high-sensitivity. This manifests as: Always having some awareness of what the people around me are thinking or feeling; Often getting distracted by the big picture (culture and society) when I need to be focused on the small picture (conversation with a friend); And maintaining an ever-growing, exceedingly complicated view of the world and people. These things make me good at my job and writing blog posts like this one. But they also make interacting with people difficult. My insight makes people uncomfortable and my thinking is often confusing if I’m not given time to explain it properly. I’m always jumping to conclusions about things that seem random, and even stupid. I have trouble where intelligent people are expected to be successful because I get distracted. The ways challenges like this can manifest are literally endless. Because intelligence essentially refers to the way we process information (a constant and critical part of being human), it can impact anything and everything we do.

In conclusion, intelligence can be convenient and even make us successful, but just as often it throws a wrench in life, too. And if this is happening to you but you’ve never been able to put a name to it, no one has ever considered what it is you're experiencing, then that wrench is just going to keep being thrown. Being smart doesn’t make us better people. It doesn’t even make us more worthwhile. It’s just another way we all vary that needs to be celebrated and accommodated.